Adjusting to sharing time can be difficult in marriage. When my husband and I got married almost 11 years ago we went from being the boss of “our” own individual time to having to share time pretty quickly. Because our first child was born a year into being married we had to learn how to share time so that neither of us felt like we never got a turn to do the things we wanted to do (without the baby in tow!)
As we went through the process of adjusting to the newness of being parents it didn’t always register for my husband that he needed to check in with me before he made plans. This was an area that I had to learn to give grace and not immediately get frustrated.
I knew that he was not coming from a place of malice; he did not carry a baby for 9 months so his life was not immediately altered upon conception like mine was. I had to gently express my needs in this season, where we could have easily gotten into many arguments of me feeling overlooked.
One of the things that I’ve learned the longer that I’ve been married is that your turn will come around. This is a concept that I actually teach my children as well because they can easily run into feeling like they have not been treated fairly because they did not get what their brother or sister got.
The same can come up in marriage when you have to spend a season allowing your spouse to shine while you take the back seat. In those seasons its important to have a support system and be sure to express your needs to your spouse in a way that keeps the lines of communication open and does not cause resentment.
Here are a few tips for keeping communication open when it’s your spouse’s season to shine!
This may be a season where you need to rely on family for additional help if you have children. If you don’t have that option, but you typically rely on your spouse to help out with chores inside and outside the house, if there is room in the budget, it may be time to outsource.
We should be able to express to our spouse how we are feeling. Remember to always speak truth in love. Be sure not to keep things inside and then feel like you have to unload in a rant. Timing is crucial when you have to say something that may cause a reaction, so be sure to factor that in when communicating your needs.
The gist of this post is that your turn will eventually come around and, when it does, you will want your spouse to be your number one cheerleader! That typically happens when you have done the same for your spouse. Even when I have not fully understood, I’ve put on my happy face because when my turn comes I would like the support!